The table had belonged to my parents, and I have had it since my Dad remarried 20 years ago. I was unexpectedly heartbroken as I watched it bounce down the road ahead of me in the back of their truck, as though I had sent my entire bittersweet childhood off on its own with strangers.
The month of June has been a powerful one since the first week when I wrote my dad a letter letting him know that his verbally abusive behavior has been harmful to me. Yay for finally taking a stand after 50 years!! I suppose my feelings about the table reflected my fears of "losing" my dad, and my grief for the family I didn't have, as well as the good memories that the table represented.
The strong emotions I experienced during the month found their expression in the image of that table and I decided to bead the table on my June page.
I was inspired by BJP beader Susan's blog post on June 21, here showing her beaded doll created in memory of her friend. I invoked that spirit of healing as I began my table. As I beaded, I also created a word tree about the table in my journal.
I am experiencing the healing power of artmaking. My emotions have eased, I've told my friends the table is just on loan, although I now feel I could even let them keep it.
The line up the center represents the painful process of confronting my father. However, I think it may become a root, and there will be many roots, and they will show the healing that is happening as part of this bead journaling process.
I also thought the legs were a little weird, but I've made a commitment not to remove or change anything once it is beaded, so here it stands. I'll post more images later as I complete it.
I also thought the legs were a little weird, but I've made a commitment not to remove or change anything once it is beaded, so here it stands. I'll post more images later as I complete it.
15 comments:
Vicki, I am in awe, what a way to let go. How perfect and healing. I wanted to say to you that as I looked at the legs on your table I thought of how it felt to be abused as a child by the person I should have trusted the most. I felt wobbly and unstable,as if at any moment my might tip over and everything I was trying to hold on to would go sliding away. Perhaps that is why your table legs look the way they do. Please don't change them. They speak volumes.
Just my little 2 cents worth.
Keep up the beautiful work.
Sunni
Vicki
You have such a powerful start to your journal already. I love the table legs, and I love the fact that you have cut yourself some slack.
You are very talented.
I look forward to seeing the rest of your journal.
Brenda
These journal pages are so powerful. It's amazing where they take us. I have so much respect for you that you are willing to confront your father. Keep loving yourself and trust in your worth. Susan
I love that table!!! Are you going to write words around it, like you did on the sketch? That would be cool! And healing! I like the idea of growth from the broken table.
Beading I find is often one of those things where sometimes the beads don't look right but if you push through and keep going, the beads will work themselves out and it will be right. It's like there is an adolescent stage to the art that needs faith and hope from the creator.
Cheers, Denise
That story is powerful Vicki & your table is perfect. I love how sometimes the beads take us along a different path than we intended
That story is powerful Vicki & your table is perfect. I love how sometimes the beads take us along a different path than we intended
what a wonderful beginning...looking forward to seeing it completed.
You're making a very courageous statement. I often find myself not happy with the direction I'm taking in the middle of a piece, too. But the beads always make it come out right. I'm looking forward to seeing the finished page.
Very unique. And, I am the same way. I very rarely rip out beads to go back and 'fix' something... I just let the beads do what they will...
Hey, Vick, ak, PPM, I'm so proud of you not taking it out to make it perfect. You have absolutely no idea how proud I am of you for that. Hang in there and do it like you feel it should be done. I think it is going to be a wonderful piece when finished.
I really like your table. Unlike my traintrack it looks right with the story you tell. I know of two families experiencing currently what you are expressing- I wish I could send them your table. At least I can tell the crooked table tale to them!! Maybe your healing will spread outward. WOW!
It worked. I clicked on your Blogging without Obligation sign, went there and now have it on my page. Thanks.
This is wonderful Vicki. The image of the table is very eloquent, very evocative...
Thanks for sharing not only your bead art with us but your whole journey, what courage! I'm glad you let your "table legs" be, it makes your piece so real. Hugs, Lillian :o)
What a powerful post from the heart. Thanks for sharing not just your beautiful art, but the story behind told by it.
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