Learning More About My Process

I have not been able to get started on my BJP piece. I am learning to pay attention to what seems to stop my flow of creative energy, and what keeps it going. In the past, I've just tried to force myself to complete projects. Now I want to experience more flow.


Here is a part of my journal showing the images I have been playing around with for BJP. I watched youtube videos of polar bears, and read several articles on the net about polar bears and about the spiritual qualities of polar bear energy. Fierceness, strength, navigating magnetic lines, introspection, overcoming fears, navigating emotional waters. Powerful qualities.





I made this sketch, then realized that I don't want to work this way, filling in an image with beads. I've lost all energy for this type of beading. And most of my seed beads are in storage anyway. So I thought I could work with just the concept of polar bear and see what I'd create, but guess what? I could not make myself get started!





I am resisting even having an idea in mind. I began to panic, thinking I wouldn't be able to participate because I haven't been able to get started. Then tonight, I went downstairs and made this fabric piece. It's green cotton stitched with white silk thread. I ran it through the washer so the edges would fray.
I wonder what will happen next??

Diving Deeper - My Next Generation

I thought I knew what I would be working on, see my previous post, but Inner Artist has other plans! I know they're from her because I can feel the fire burning!

It all started this week with my every 6 month visit to my dental hygienist, who has become a friend. She was upset with the political decisions that she feels will destroy her childrens' future.

Since I don't have children, I don't have quite her same sense of urgency. But I began to think about what I do care about regarding the future. And I realize that My Next Generation is wild animals and plants.

This has been with my my entire life. As a child I made a vow that I didn't want to live in a world that had no more wild gorillas. (Yikes, my time is growing shorter!)

What did I 'know' when I was four or five - about the future of the world? about what was most important to me? What does it mean to care this much about wild animals? What actions does this call me to commit to?

These questions and others about My Next Generation will be in my mind as I work on my BJP for this year. I will blog about them and post pictures here.

Resurrection

This blog has been dormant since sometime in 2008, but since I'm participating in the bead journal project again this year, I've decided to revive it.

I'll be working with a mixed media approach including beads. Don't know more than that right now regarding technique.

I am choosing as my theme, Being vs. Doing. I am working to incorporate Qigong practice and Heartmath breathing practice into my life more regularly. So I want to work with this process visually and creatively to hopefully build my reverence for and dedication to having these be a regular part of my life.

I'm looking forward to playing with materials to discover what I most love to do. I've spent a lot of years forcing myself to continue processes that I find tedious and boring, so my motto for BJP - NO BOREDOM!!!!

I also am a creativity coach and am applying coaching to myself to be freer with my art, enjoy it more, and do more of it!! See my coaching website here.

Finished July - March!

I'm sorry that it's not a clear picture, but it gives you an idea of what it looks like. This piece encompassed my entire year of working as a new OT in an overwhelming situation. I see it all there!!!

I learned so much. I became a professional. And I don't work there any more!!!! So I'm opening to my heart's message to me and this may be the buttkick I need to start my own coaching business.

Someone told me early in the journal process that if I just did one or two pieces for the year, that is okay. I'm saying to myself, u\yup, that's okay!! I'm really happy to have a piece that "captures" the essence of the year for me and pleased that I did it all in my own way.

So I am open to what's next. I don't feel called to participate again. I long for more inner guidance and less outer distraction, so that may merit some form of journal art, but not sharing, looking, pushing, etc.

Just me and my art supplies!! :-)

Sweet

Thanks, gals, for reminding me that my pleasure (PLEASURE) in beading is what's most important here. It's easy to let myself lose sight of that.

Like Robin, response to previous post, I totally gave up artwork twice in my life as I was studying for a new career or embarking on it. I was pretty miserable, and know I don't want to do that again.

Besides, I'm older and I know now on a bone deep level that my art time is too precious to put away for later.

And, giggle giggle, yep, having the money to spend on beads is so AWESOME!! I HAVE bought some, but not for any of these projects. I just love being able to give myself little splurges!!

So let's make the most of every precious minute!!

(Photo I lifted from the net of the work of artist Damien Hirst in the UK who embellished a real skull with diamonds)

July Progress

I am tempted to call this August and maybe finish by the end of the month. It is a bit discouraging to see someone blogging about starting September's piece, but c'est la vie!! This piece really contains the energy and inspiration of July so July it will be. Here's the progress on July, although I didn't get a really clear picture.

The second photo is of the beads I'm working with and the ones in the rectangle are what I intend to sew around the edges. It's new for me to be stitching on such large beads, and will be interesting to see how it looks when finished.

The new job is going well and giving me blessings I never anticipated, especially some wonderful deep connections to patients / customers / clients, whatever is the buzzword now. And I get paid, too! Just not as much time left for art as I'd like, but that will come. I'm enjoying looking at others' posts, just not putting time into blogging / commenting, except a bit on weekends. Best to all!!

July inspiration pic

Well, it's the last day before I start work. I know that I won't have energy for awhile to do all the blogger thing, because I really want to make art, so here's perhaps a final post till I start and finish July.

I'm so nervous about going back to work. I think my June piece shows that I'm all over the place. Yesterday in my studio I pulled out about three necklace projects and started a new embroidery on leather. I so want to hold on to making art, and not give that up while I'm working, that I'm getting a little cuckoo and really losing focus!!

Anyway, here's a photo of the African beads that I think will inspire my July journal. I realized I still want to make a necklace with them, so I don't want to use these actual beads on my piece, which is what I had first envisioned. I love the contrast between larger textured black and white discs and the small black/white and green/yellow discs. And some of the blue beads have vertical stripes so it's very pleasing.

Yesterday I also started beading a goddess shape on leather. I used a drawing from Marija Gimbutas' book, The Language of the Goddess. I'm not happy with the beads I've used but I'm looking at this first piece as a sketch, so they''ll do fine.

If anyone has any suggestions about how to keep doing your art when you're working at a professional level job, please share. I imagine it has to do with priorities and scheduling...

photo test

OK, so I'll upload the picture again here in this post, where it's never been, and see if it will enlarge now when I click on it. :-)

I've been playing with natural dyes and pigmenst, doing rubbings on trees and stamping with EZ Stamp that I've carved. This is a test to see if this image will enlarge on my blog site. My June bead posting is the next one down.

June Page Surprise!

It's done!! And I've taken a bit of a detour. I'm still working on the snake goddess / table piece, but couldn't rush it. I will show her later when she's done. So I went back to my original intention which is to use my semiprecious stone beads, Thai silver, African and antique beads - my most precious stash - for this project.

Since I will be working and receiving a salary for something besides my artwork, one of the benefits is that I'm no longer worrying about whether it's financially viable to embroider with these "expensive" beads. What freedom for me to use what I love, rather than what I think I "ought?" to use!!

This piece is definitely more feminine than my work usually is. I will use Robin's poem technique and Pat Allen's Art Is a Way of Knowing technique to journal about this piece. The piece is 3" by 4-3/8". I will probably put a pocket on the back to hold my writings, but may also print them on fabric to go in a book.

I also tried something new in fabrication of this piece. I beaded to the raw edge of the fabric, because I like raw edges alot. So to add support, I sewed biase tape on as I beaded the edging. I liked how that worked out.

I know what I will use for my July piece. A few years ago, I bought an African trade bead necklace at the Santa Fe flea market that is made up of blue, orange, yellow, black and white beads and discs. The colors seem to express the exuberance of July - fireworks, my birthday, the hot summer days with lots of vivid colors. And with a few more days off, I will get it going.


Thanks to Brenda for the Zulu concept of Wosa Moya embracing change. I will be reflecting on that over the next many days, and working with African trade beads will be reinforcing. I can't wait to see what happens!

Thanks and update

Thanks everyone for your supportive comments! I feel so encouraged and understood, and grateful for this growing community.

Its been interesting living through a lot of changes. I just found out I received the occupational therapist position I applied for at our local hospital, so my life will be changing drasticly. I've been a studio artist for the last few years, but now I need to make some money LOL. I hope to be able to keep up with the BJP, although I might run a bit behind.

I drew the snake goddess amulet last night, and she is all about transformation, courage and change. I'd say she's working overtime with me right now. So I'm adding her to my June page. I'll have a picture as soon as she's done.

The Divine Feminine has been a wonderful inspiration and solace for me for the past few years. I had first intended that would be a theme for my pages, veered away from it, and guess who showed up!! I'm glad that She has - She will be a delight to work/play with over the next year!

June page begun

Don't the beads have their own ideas? I intended to work on a small square of green fabric and start with some labradorite ovals. Well, before I got that started I gave a teak table from my studio to some friends who moved into a new place. I followed them home to help unload it, along with some other stuff.

The table had belonged to my parents, and I have had it since my Dad remarried 20 years ago. I was unexpectedly heartbroken as I watched it bounce down the road ahead of me in the back of their truck, as though I had sent my entire bittersweet childhood off on its own with strangers.

The month of June has been a powerful one since the first week when I wrote my dad a letter letting him know that his verbally abusive behavior has been harmful to me. Yay for finally taking a stand after 50 years!! I suppose my feelings about the table reflected my fears of "losing" my dad, and my grief for the family I didn't have, as well as the good memories that the table represented.

The strong emotions I experienced during the month found their expression in the image of that table and I decided to bead the table on my June page.

I was inspired by BJP beader Susan's blog post on June 21, here showing her beaded doll created in memory of her friend. I invoked that spirit of healing as I began my table. As I beaded, I also created a word tree about the table in my journal.

I am experiencing the healing power of artmaking. My emotions have eased, I've told my friends the table is just on loan, although I now feel I could even let them keep it.

The line up the center represents the painful process of confronting my father. However, I think it may become a root, and there will be many roots, and they will show the healing that is happening as part of this bead journaling process.

I also thought the legs were a little weird, but I've made a commitment not to remove or change anything once it is beaded, so here it stands. I'll post more images later as I complete it.

First Post!

Hello Everyone!
After several revisions in my journal idea, my plan now is to pick one of these fabrics each month and see where it goes. I found a photo of a small journal from an ad in Winter 2006 Quilting Arts, p. 71, for a book by Beryl Taylor, Mixed Media Explorations, and it looks like it would be easy to make and assemble. I will make my pages 3" by 4-1/8" so I have a bit of room to play but don't feel overwhelmed!

When I looked in my fabric stash, the greens just leapt out of the cabinet, so green it is! I'm planning to use from my entire bead stash, especially metal and semiprecious beads, as I most often have embroidered with size 11 and 15 seeds. This will be a challenge, as I have many beads that I love and "save" for something really special. My promise to myself is to go ahead and use them!!

I've also taken the vow to buy nothing new but to enjoy the abundance of what I already have. My husband was thrilled to hear this as well! Thanks to JenniBoBenni for the challenge!

And a big hug to Robin Atkins for creating this community and the Bead Journal Project - I'm looking forward to a great ride!